Three Lessons About Life
Running, Hiding, Asking
You Can't Outrun Your Problems
I've never been a good jogger, but I have pretty good stamina when it comes to ignoring, suppressing, or avoiding problems. Anyone else?
I had to learn (repeatedly) that all the energy spent "outrunning" my problems could have been better spent facing them. The hard truth is that whatever you avoid will find its way back to you. It keeps coming back until it's faced or resolved—you will keep reliving the pattern, having the same dreams, being triggered by the same comments, and so on.
Whatever you suppress returns with a vengeance; it becomes louder and more obvious until you're forced to deal with it.
So, take a deep breath and stop running.
If You Change, Tell People
It would be wonderful if those around us noticed every time we grew, healed, or changed. However, no matter how attuned someone is, they will need time to catch on. They must deconstruct who they thought we were and reconstruct their understanding of us based on the new information. This is not an easy task.
If you want your relationships to survive your growth, make it explicit. Clearly communicate your new expectations, boundaries, and changes so the other person knows how best to connect with the new version of you.
Ask For Help (When You Can)
Life has its difficult moments (or seasons). Please ask for help; sometimes, we can't do it alone, and even if we could, why would we want to? I understand it can be exhausting to ask people and be let down. I also understand that sometimes we have to do it alone because no one is around. However, being willing to ask for help when possible is a skill that has changed my life.
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Love this! Three huge lessons that sometimes don't present themselves until you notice that confronting and addressing things head on would've been the way to avoid resentment, misunderstandings, feeling unseen, etc. The second one, telling people you've changed, is tricky. The delivery of that feels like a mastery of boundaries especially when it comes to communicating that with family. Thank you so much for sharing these!
A simple enough algorithm to live by. Lessons about life are best acknowledged if they are simple, and repeatable.