Privacy vs. Secrecy: What's the Difference

I’ve noticed that people are often confused, or unable to differentiate, privacy and secrecy. So, what is the difference?

Privacy is a way to honor and protect yourself. It’s there to help you maintain your autonomy. It’s the choice to keep certain things to yourself—not out of malice, shame, or hidden motives, but because some aspects of your life belong solely to you. Think: shutting the door during a Zoom call, keeping your journal locked away, or saying, “Actually, I’d rather not share how much I earn.”

Privacy fosters individuality, safety, and trust. At its core, privacy says, “I respect you and myself enough to maintain some personal space.” It’s the practice of preserving your identity as an “I” even within a “we,” whether that’s in romantic, platonic, or familial relationships.

Secrecy, on the other hand, is a different beast. It’s often tied to avoidance—avoiding responsibility, consequences, or vulnerability. Secrecy isn’t about preserving autonomy; it’s about withholding information to control how others perceive you or how they might react. Think: hiding credit card debt from your partner or covering up questionable browser history (no judgment, just an example).

Privacy is about boundaries; secrecy is about barriers. Privacy fosters connection by maintaining individuality and mutual respect, while secrecy erodes trust and breeds disconnection. Privacy says, “I trust you, but this part is mine.” Secrecy says, “You wouldn’t understand—or forgive me.”

Of course, life isn’t always so black and white. Is not telling your friend about an event you’re attending an act of privacy, or are you being secretive? Are you protecting yourself, or are you protecting a lie?

Healthy relationships require both transparency and privacy. Privacy is leaving the bathroom door closed. Secrecy is saying you’re working late when you’re actually meeting up with an ex. Privacy means retaining your individuality; secrecy means withholding truths that could shift the foundation of the relationship.

You don’t owe anyone every thought or feeling, but you do owe honesty where trust is concerned. The bottom line? Privacy protects; secrecy sabotages. Knowing the difference can save your relationships with yourself and others—and your peace of mind.

If you have time, share this article with someone who might find the topic interesting or relevant. I’d love northing more than for us to grow this community together!