Not All Friendships Are Forever

Six Reasons We No Longer Want To Spend Time With Our Friends.

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In society, we tend to emphasize the significance of romantic relationships. If life were a play, the romantic relationships would take centre stage while friendships would merely enhance the main plot line—holding very little significance of their own.

Why is that?

Friendships are integral to the plot’s very essence. I would argue that choosing friends is as important as choosing a partner. Friends are architects; they sculpt, enlighten, bolster, and traverse alongside us on this enigmatic journey we call life.

I truly believe that if we were to offer friendships the reverence they deserve, our quality of life would be enhanced. 

Yet, like romantic relationships, certain friendships can (and should) end. We often cling to them without truly examining why.

So many of us will reach a point where we no longer enjoy spending time with certain people. Here are six common reasons:

1. The relationship is based on the past (and you are no longer that person). You may have met in elementary school or during college vacation one summer, but it was a while ago and represents a specific context. You do your best to sustain the relationship with memories of how you spent your time and the people you used to be. But, eventually, you will feel like there is very little–if anything–that is connecting you outside of retelling stories. 

2. They only contact you when they need something. A healthy friendship, just like a romantic relationship, has to be reciprocal. If there is a friend that only contacts us when they want help, an introduction, or are looking for a way to kill time… eventually, we start to feel used and may find ourselves feeling less inclined to invest in the relationship. 

3. They get jealous or competitive when you share your success. Real friends are those who view your success with the same enthusiasm and pride as if it were their own. A friend who does not celebrate your success will likely not be a friend who will contribute to it. If you cannot share your dreams, wins, and accomplishments, eventually, you will feel like you are hiding parts of yourself, which will lead to a desire to disconnect.

4. They are unwilling to see your growth. If a friend chooses not to see how you change and evolve, they will eventually not see you. Sometimes, those around us do not want to see us change because that alters the relationship contract and/or shows them the growth they need. 

5. They no longer share the same interests or priorities. Growing apart is normal. Having different lifestyles, values, and schedules is part of life. Forcing a relationship in such circumstances can feel disappointing and frustrating.  

6. They keep reminding you of your past while you’re trying to create a different future. Friends who love to use your past against you (to tear you down) or to remind you of your mistakes make it difficult to become the person you want to be. Eventually, you will realize that space is the only way to move towards your future. 

Remember: Just because someone was once a friend doesn’t mean they get to keep the title. 

It’s okay for friendships to end. It’s okay for friendships to only be relevant for a certain phase or a specific version of you. It’s okay to no longer feel as connected, understood or motivated to hang out with the same people. It doesn’t make you a bad person; it’s just part of growing, evolving, healing, and changing.

One of my besties made me dinner, I took a picture!

Reminder:

• I’ve started a journalling challenge! To my paid subscribers, I send bi-monthly (twice a month) reflection questions to help them turn inward and connect with them Selves.

• I developed a course for Simon Sinek’s platform called: How to build strong relationships at work. It’s now available!!