Existential Chronicles: "I'm Evolving"

New Essay Format

I was crying in an Uber not long ago, grateful the driver didn't notice, or had the grace not to say anything. Somewhere in those few miles between the coffee shop and my house, I realized that none of my usual self-help tools could touch what I was feeling.

There was no solution for this particular human experience. None.

That's when existentialism seeped in, the way it always does when I'm pushed past the edge of easy answers.

A reason why, in my opinion, it would be a shame to keep existentialism tucked away in academic corners. It’s not just a philosophy, it’s a different way of seeing. An insight into what it means to be human. A life jacket for when the world suddenly feels not just fragile and uncertain, but unrecognizable.

As someone who calls herself an existentialist, I rarely write about it outright. More often, I quietly weave it into my work on wellness and mental health. A concept here, a question there. Just enough philosophy to feel like I haven’t fully abandoned my first love.

But in all honesty, what initially drew me to psychotherapy wasn't the 'fixing' or ‘helping’ of people but the mystery of what it means to be one.

Hudson Theatres, Hollywood. Roughly three weeks ago. Working as an assistant director on a very existential play called Dad’s Leg.

As I allow my Substack to evolve with me, I want to explore how existential ideas show up in everyday life in ways that might surprise you. So here's what I've decided: I’ll write essays that are unapologetically practical, and others that wander more freely into the philosophical and creative terrain (aka Existential Chronicles). As a fun introduction, here are the thinkers I’ll be drawing on throughout this series, along with a few well-known quotes that, perhaps surprisingly, trace back to existential philosophy.

1. Søren Kierkegaard

Often considered the father of existentialism, Kierkegaard wrote in the 19th century about the deeply personal nature of truth, faith, and choice. He believed the most important questions of life cannot be answered abstractly; they must be lived. What draws me to him is his insistence that uncertainty isn’t a problem to be solved but a condition to be faced, courageously.

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

2. Jean-Paul Sartre

Sartre brought existentialism into the heart of 20th-century thought with a radical claim: we are not born with a predetermined essence. We create ourselves through our choices. I return to Sartre whenever I’m working with clients who feel trapped, because his philosophy insists that even the feeling of having no choice is itself a choice we’re making.

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”

3. Friedrich Nietzsche

Nietzsche asked what happens when the structures that once gave life meaning begin to collapse—a question that feels less historical every year. His work explores the creative power of individuals to forge their own values in the absence of inherited ones. He’s not always labeled an existentialist, but he asked the questions first.

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”

4. Simone de Beauvoir

De Beauvoir is the thinker I admire. A philosopher, novelist, and social theorist, she extended existentialism into questions of ethics, gender, and what it actually means to live freely inside structures designed to constrain you. She understood that authentic existence isn’t just a personal project, it’s a political one. You cannot fully claim your own freedom while remaining indifferent to the freedom of others.

“To will oneself free is also to will others free.”

5. Albert Camus

Camus wrote about the tension between our hunger for meaning and the universe’s stubborn silence, what he called the absurd. His answer wasn’t despair or denial. It was defiance: keep living, keep creating, keep loving, even knowing what we know. I find that less bleak than it sounds. Most days, I find it the most honest thing anyone has ever said.

“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”

Existentialism isn’t just for philosophers. It’s for anyone trying to figure out what it means to be alive.