Are you feeling disconnected?

"Flip phone" era

This time of the year is when people start to feel the most disconnected, even though they are arguably surrounded by people the most. It’s because genuine connection has little to do with proximity and exposure and more to do with actual intimacy. Being constantly around people sometimes acts as a mirror showing us the true state of our relationships.

Intimacy is not shallow or quick to build. Although our smartphones help us be in “contact” with each other, for the most part, it hasn’t helped us see each other for who we are or share parts of ourselves in a meaningful way (fully stripped of any performative undertones). It’s why the epidemic of loneliness is on the rise despite our “access” to everyone and everything.

And yet, I find that the deepest form of disconnection comes from within. When we are disconnected from who we are–an emptiness that can’t be filled with external things. This existence of constantly being “online” has pulled us away from our inner relationship; inner connection.

So… I started an experiment this past Friday in an effort to reconnect by further disconnecting. To build deeper intimacy with my Self and others by stepping back from the way I show up and “live” digitally. I did this by buying an old-school flip phone. It has calling and texting, an alarm and a calculator. When I text it makes obnoxious clicking noises, and when someone calls they sound like they are in a tunnel–it’s perfect.

Although a fairly uninventive solution to my conundrum of living more online then offline, it still took a while to convince myself to try it. There were several beliefs I had to let go of before I bought the flip phone:

• This was an impossible way to live in 2023

• I have to be available all the time

• Every text or email is emergency or crisis that I must deal with immediately

• The world will stop spinning if I am not on the internet keeping it together

• A second phone is a frivolous expense

• I would feel further disconnected from others by not being online

• If I had more self control I wouldn’t need a flip phone

• I can’t do everything I need to do if I don’t use my iPhone full time (grocery store rewards points, gym QR code, boarding pass etc.)

  (If you want to see how I reframed these beliefs/found solutions, I will write a letter for the paid subscribers this week. Keep in mind that my entire business is online…all of it!)

It’s been four days since my purchase and this simple switch is already teaching me so much about my Self and my well-being. But today’s newsletter is not about promoting a flip phone (although more content on this is inevitable, especially on my social media channels) but about starting a meaningful conversation.

What are you doing to build and protect your connections? What are you doing to protect your mind, body and soul from the demands, expectations and distractions that lead to a deep sense of disconnection and loneliness?

Here is my invitation for reflection:

• What is preventing you from truly connecting with your Self?

• What is preventing you from truly connecting with others?

• What beliefs are keeping you stuck?

• What changes do you want to see in your relationship with your Self and others?

• What lifestyle changes should you make in order to take responsibility and control over the way you live your life?

Pure curiosity: Have you ever considered or fantasized about going offline? What questions do you have about my journey?

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