When you say "I don't know," do you really not know?

Truths we hide from ourseleves

What’s a Truth You’re Pretending Not to Know?

I often encourage my clients to pause when they say, “I don’t know” in a sentence (I don’t know why this is happening, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how I feel, etc). More often than not, they do know—they’re just hesitant to face a truth that feels overwhelming or a change that feels intimidating. Most of us aren’t as confused as we let on; we just need to ask ourselves gently: What’s holding me back from acknowledging my truth?

Sometimes the truths are hard: it’s time to end a relationship, set boundaries with a loved one, embrace an unfamiliar opportunity, drink less, or finally prioritize our health in ways we’ve been postponing. These are the truths we can’t outrun—revealing themselves in a quiet moment of reflection, or maybe after a glass (or two, or three) of wine.

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What’s Holding You Back?

Take a moment to consider what’s keeping you from accepting your truth. Is it the fear of letting someone down? The uncertainty of what comes next? Or maybe the discomfort of stepping into the unknown?

We often tell ourselves stories to justify staying where we are: “This is just how life is,” or, “Things aren’t that bad.” But holding on to these narratives comes at a cost. What are the consequences of not making the change? How will your life look if nothing shifts in the months or years ahead?

Mary Oliver once asked, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” It’s a question worth revisiting often. Even small, meaningful changes can create ripple effects that transform how we experience our lives.

For example, staying in a relationship that feels misaligned might feel easier today, but what will it mean for your future happiness? Avoiding boundaries with a family member might keep the peace for now, but at what expense to your emotional well-being?

(I love staring at portraits and trying to guess what the people in the painting were thinking or struggled with. Anyone else? No?)

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What Support Do You Need?

What kind of support would help you take that first step? Maybe it’s confiding in a friend, seeking guidance from a therapist, or carving out quiet moments to reconnect with yourself. You don’t have to have all the answers today, and you don’t have to navigate it alone.

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A Gentle Invitation

If this resonates, take five minutes to write two letters from your future self to who you are today. In one, imagine you faced the truth and made the change—what would she thank you for? In the other, imagine you didn’t—what might she urge you to consider? Be honest, be kind, and listen to what emerges.

Facing the truth doesn’t mean rushing into action. Sometimes, it simply means holding space for what you already know and trusting that, in time, clarity will guide you toward the life you deserve.