What If Self-Respect Came Before Self-Love?

Three Ways to Practice Self Respect

Self-respect doesn’t get talked about enough in mental health conversations, but without it, all the affirmations in the world won’t fix our relationship with ourselves or lead to the coveted status of ‘self-love.’

It’s hard to love someone we don’t respect.

Self-respect isn’t a finish line; it’s a practice. It’s in the small, everyday moments—how we show up for ourselves, the standards we uphold, the way we talk to ourselves when no one else is listening. It requires both self-acceptance and the discipline to act in ways that reinforce our own dignity. It’s about living in alignment with our values and treating our own existence like it actually matters.

Jean-Paul Sartre—one of my favorite philosophers—argued that we define ourselves through our choices. To me, self-respect is just that: choosing to honor our worth, even when it’s hard.

3 Ways to Practice Self-Respect

1. Set boundaries. Boundaries aren’t just about keeping others in check; they’re about affirming who we are. When we allow constant boundary violations, we surrender our agency and send the message, I’m not worth being treated any better. Setting boundaries isn’t just a way to have our needs met and stay safe—it’s an act of affirming our worth.

2. Monitor your self-talk. Self-respect isn’t just external; it’s in the way we speak to ourselves. If we wouldn’t accept cruelty from others, why tolerate it internally? If we tell ourselves we are worthless, don’t stand up for what we want or ignore our own opinions, how can we expect to have the confidence to demand better treatment from the world?

3. Learn to walk away. Self-respect is about not selling ourselves short. If someone doesn’t want us in their lives, it hurts—but despite the rejection, we must remember that we are too valuable to chase or convince someone otherwise. Existentialism tells us that we are radically free—free to walk away, free to choose relationships that mirror our dignity. I think it’s time we remember that!

   The people we surround ourselves with have a profound impact on us—they shape how we see ourselves and how we feel in our own skin. If a relationship consistently makes us feel small, it’s worth asking: If I truly recognized my worth, would I accept this dynamic? Pay attention to the answer.

   

   In The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir discusses how true self-respect comes from autonomy—not letting others define our worth. To respect ourselves, we must reject the roles and expectations that limit our agency.

   Self-respect is how we show ourselves that we matter. The more we honor our worth—in our choices, boundaries, and self-talk—the less we have to convince ourselves we’re lovable. It just starts to feel like the truth.

   Reflection Questions:

• In what ways do my daily choices reflect (or neglect) my self-respect?

• If I fully believed in my worth, what’s one boundary I would set or reinforce?

• How does the way I speak to myself compare to the way I speak to someone I love?

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Recommendation

My friend Yung Pueblo has a new book called How to Love Better!

Deep love is not easy because it contains so much. It is full of disagreements, howling laughter, hard conversations, genuine care, plenty of tears, undeniable joy, and the feeling of being truly seen. You don’t get the good without the tough stuff that helps you both grow. - Yung Pueblo

How to Love Better includes:
• How to build harmony in a relationship
• How to see each other’s perspective
• How to find the right partner
• How to heal from heartbreak
• How to overcome attachment
• How to form commitments
• How to argue

You can get a copy through this link!