Three Things I Learned About Heartache in My 20s
Let’s talk about heartbreak—a messy cocktail of denial, snacks, and Adele songs that no one really warns you about. In my 20s, heartache hit me like an uninvited guest, showing up without warning, overstaying its welcome, and leaving an unforgettable mess behind. Through all those tear-streaked pillows and embarrassing texts, here’s what I’ve learned.
1. Heartache is about identity loss as much as it is about love lost.
When a relationship ends, it often feels like a part of you disappears with it. It’s not just about missing someone’s presence; it’s about missing the version of yourself that existed when they were around. Heartbreak taught me that part of the grieving process is actually an identity crisis. We lose a bit of the person we were with them, and it takes time (and yes, more Adele than I’d like to admit) to rediscover who we are on our own. This is where real growth begins: when you start to rebuild an identity that’s no longer tied to them, but firmly rooted in you.
2. Heartbreak is temporary, but the self-awareness it brings is lasting.
At first, heartache feels endless, like you’ll be the “heartbroken one” forever. But eventually, the sadness becomes a background hum instead of a main theme song. In its place, you’re left with a newfound awareness of who you are and what you want in life. It’s a painful yet priceless transformation. Heartbreak ultimately forced me to look inward, clarifying what I value in relationships and what I need to feel fulfilled. By going through it, I grew into a version of myself I didn’t even know was possible—a little more resilient, a lot more self-assured, and oddly grateful* for the whole experience.
*I am not suggesting everyone needs to feel gratitude!!
3. Heartbreak forces you to confront the impermanence of life. Heartbreak has a way of slapping you in the face with the reality that nothing lasts forever—relationships or even our own feelings. This existential truth can be jarring. The end of a relationship made me confront the fragility of life and love, forcing me to grapple with the fact that change is not just inevitable but essential.
In the aftermath of heartbreak, I had to face the uncomfortable idea that everything I thought was solid could shift at any moment. It led to a profound questioning of what truly matters in life. I began to value moments more deeply, appreciating the fleeting beauty of experiences rather than clinging to them. This awareness fostered a greater sense of gratitude, encouraging me to live in the present instead of constantly worrying about the future or lamenting the past. Ultimately, heartbreak taught me that while love may be temporary, the lessons learned and the growth achieved in its wake are enduring gifts that shape who we are.
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Picture taken during my train ride from Bath to London last week. I felt very contemplative, listened to the La La Land soundtrack, and got a lot of writing done! It was perfect.
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