Stop Chasing “Why” and Start Embracing Reality
A reframe to help you move on
I had a realization the other week:
We don’t need to know why something happened to accept that it did.
Read that again.
So many of us spend countless hours agonizing over questions we can’t answer. Why aren’t they texting back? Why didn’t I get the job? Why did they walk away? Why did a family member get sick?
And as much as I love a good why—it’s practically an occupational hazard—I’ve learned something crucial: when an answer isn’t available, or when it’s unclear how long we’ll have to wait for one, we can’t let the lack of clarity keep us from accepting reality.
Here’s the thing: we often ask “why” not because we don’t understand, but because we don’t like the answer. And sometimes, instead of asking, “Why did they break up with me?” it’s more helpful to be honest and say, “It hurts me that they decided to end things.”
When you release the need to know why or to understand perfectly, you open yourself to validation and healing. It’s not about solving the mystery—it’s about acknowledging what is.
(On the other hand, examining why we do certain things is incredibly important for growth and evolution. This is a “why” you can actually answer. It’s the kind of introspection that helps us better understand our patterns, motivations, and responses—and it’s one of the most powerful tools for self-awareness.)
I saw this statue in Paris couple days ago and it perfectly summed up this mood.
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I can't thank you enough for this. The only way I can find to express my gratitude is simply to tell you the timing of this reminder feels divine. It's impossible for me to understand why people are questioning my lived experience right now, but you've reminded me that it’s not ever really possible for me to know why they are in the first place. And honestly, it hurts just as much whether I know why or not. Whether they are scared or it's too painful or difficult to acknowledge or they just aren't ready or whatever the case may be. It's painful there are people close to me that don't understand how much I need them to acknowledge my reality. No matter what the reason for their inability might be.
I completely agree with your point.
Nice post ✨