Loss, discomfort and goodbyes: why I'm grateful for all of it.

It's not about silver linings, it's about perspective.

I am not an advocate for forced gratitude. Gratitude can’t be imposed and should not be expected or demanded. Gratitude needs to be experienced and felt.

As we search our brain for things to be grateful for, we often overlook experiences that were not “nice” or “pleasant”. By doing this, we miss out on so much. What do I mean? Can I give examples? Glad you asked. Here are three things I am grateful for that won’t be found in most people’s gratitude journals:

I am grateful for all the things I didn’t get.

We are relentlessly reminded and urged to practice gratitude, but how often do you take a moment to be grateful for what you didn't get? I remember earnestly pleading and praying to get back together with my high school sweetheart; I remember so badly wanting to move to California for grad school. I remember wanting a very different life than the one I have right now. Thankfully, I didn’t get any of it.

Think for a moment: If you got everything you ever wanted, would you be the person you are today? How would your life be different?

We often see setbacks or unfulfilled desires as losses, failures or punishments, but what if these “missed” opportunities help us course correct? What if they create space for something greater?

Of course, some things are a loss – pure and simple. There’s no point in sugarcoating it. But some things that once occupied our minds and kept us awake at night become faded memories and funny anecdotes. So, if you don’t get what you want, remember that your future self might be grateful.

I am grateful for the discomfort.

As humans, we often try to avoid any degree of awkwardness, unease or tension. But we need to realize that this avoidance limits our growth. Growth happens amidst discomfort. It tests our abilities to adapt, learn, experience new things and, ultimately, change. (No, I am not talking about harmful, abusive or traumatic events).  

I can confidently say that we have all had our fair share of discomfort, if not full-on chaos and pain. I am not suggesting seeing the silver lining in these situations; I am talking about realizing that they can offer perspective, serve a purpose or hold meaning. I felt discomfort moving away from my family when I was 17. I was nervous about starting my Instagram account in 2019. I felt great discomfort ending previous relationships. And yet, now, I am so grateful for those experiences.

What makes you uncomfortable? How can it help you grow?

I am grateful for the goodbyes.

Goodbyes are hard. I am not grateful for all of them, but there are several goodbyes I am thankful for. Sometimes people need to leave your life for others to be able to enter it. Sometimes we must let go and grieve things, people, places, ideas and beliefs before they can be replaced. I've learned the power of goodbyes and that, more often than not, they signify new beginnings.

What goodbye are you postponing or resisting?

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