Don't mistake snippets for the whole story

The courtesy of curiosity.

Yesterday I was very, very sick but no one knew. 

Before going to bed the day before, I posted pictures from the Art Gallery I visited that morning. The images were colorful, fun, and airy; I even threw in a selfie.

Only a couple hours after posting, I got hit with a flu from hell.

So, as everyone was engaging with my Instagram content … I was wrapped in my covers, surrounded by used tissues, cups of tea and empty bowls of soup. 

I started to think about how people's perception of my day had little to do with my immediate experience. And, it got me thinking about how our view of people may not always align with how they experience themselves.

This often happens when we place too much meaning on the snippets we see of someone's life or when we become committed to our own interpretations.

We all know social media isn’t “real” life. But are we aware that the glimpses we see of someone (in general) are often not a full representation of who they are?

We need to remember that limited interactions with people don't paint a complete picture. True understanding takes time (for better or for worse) and our willingness to see that person as they are.

This thought led to me writing the following quote on Instagram today:

"Don't confuse the snippets you see of someone's life (through social media or a casual conversation) as their whole story. Give each other the courtesy of curiosity. Allow people to be undefined in your mind for a little while. Actively seek to see them, and allow them to show you who they are."

Courtesy of curiosity is powerful; it's a mindful practice of asking questions and withholding conclusions.

It would be great if every second of how we (and others) present to the world is truly authentic, but sometimes it's not. Sometimes we present better than we feel, sometimes we are nicer than the thoughts we think, sometimes we sound more upset than we are, etc.

This exercise is not about justifying people's behaviors, it's about understanding that a limited interaction is often not enough to truly know someone. Everyone has fears, wounds, insecurities, and quirks –– and if that's all you stumble upon, you are missing the larger picture. 

First impressions are not always accurate impressions.

I am not suggesting that we give people indefinite time or chances, or hope and pray that they will eventually show us something we want to see. I’m suggesting that we respect people enough to understand that their story is much more complex than what we could possibly understand through short encounters –– encounters that, if I may add, often lack context.

It's okay not to understand someone immediately, and it's okay to just observe the dynamic until you feel you have enough information to assemble the puzzle. It’s okay to ask questions.

Most of us struggle to know our Selves, so why are we confident that we can figure others out so quickly?

An important love language, in my opinion, is to seek to see others truly. To give them space to show us who they are. Then, it's up to us to choose what we do with that information. It’s okay to not want to stick around if it feels unsafe or unhealthy. It’s okay to not be interested. It’s okay to not want them in your life.

Make an informed decision.

I am still wrapped in a blanket and not feeling well, but I thought it was a musing worth sharing. If you notice typos, mistake and whatnots, it is what it is…

Also…

In case you missed it: I wrote a book! It’s call “It’s On Me”. If you are struggling to answer two essential questions: “who am I?” and “why am I here?” – this book is for you.