Deepen Your Connection: 3 Essential Questions for Any Relationship

Responsibility, growth, and freedom

We all know how crucial communication is, but even when we want to connect more deeply, we may not always know what questions to ask. Sometimes, it's about exploring topics that can enhance our relationships in ways we haven't yet considered. Here are three questions that might give you a fresh perspective:

“What do you think I’m not taking responsibility for, but should be?”

This one can feel daunting, but it’s also incredibly powerful. We all have blind spots. By asking your partner, friend or sibling what they think you're avoiding responsibility for within the dynamic, you can raise your self-awareness and maybe even ease some unspoken tension. At the very least, it opens a conversation about whether that responsibility truly falls on you. In my opinion, responsibility is non-negotiable in any healthy relationship. It’s worth making it a regular part of the conversation.

“Right now, do you love me for who I am or for who I was?”

Relationships can be difficult and there are so many reasons this is true. But something we don’t talk about enough is that people change — we change. Even if you know someone for 3 months or a year, and especially in relationships that last for years and years, you will notice them becoming a (slightly) different person over time.

Although you may have fallen in love with a specific version of your partner, unless you also find a way to love who they are becoming or have become, you’re no longer truly in love with them. You love the idea or memory of them. This is also true for family members and friends! Asking this question not only signals to them that you are aware of the transition you’ve gone through, but it prompts them to think about it as well. It can also help you start a conversation about how to keep each other informed as you develop, grow, or change.

For your love to feel current and relevant, your understanding of each other needs to be.

“What does it mean to be free in this relationship?”

“I dream of a love that is more than two people craving to possess one another.”
― Irvin D. Yalom, When Nietzsche Wept

Freedom is a basic human need—to express, think, exist, and believe. Many people assume that entering a relationship means giving up personal freedom, but in the healthiest relationships, this is not the case. It’s about finding ways to maintain your autonomy while being a partner.

How do you honor your individuality? Maybe it’s through hobbies, financial independece, or vacations with friends. There should always be space for you to be "you," even within the relationship. While the idea of “there is no me without you” might sound romantic, it’s actually more enmeshed than healthy. The truth is, there is a you without them, and that’s what makes your choice to be with them even more meaningful.