I’m not sure when we (you, me, society) started accepting ‘almost’ as enough, particularly when it comes to relationships.
For the most part, we understand that almost having something is not the same as actually having it:
We know that almost catching a flight isn’t the same as sitting on the plane.
We know that almost landing a job isn’t the same as getting hired.
We know that almost having water on a hike isn’t the same as quenching our thirst.
We know that almost crossing the finish line isn’t the same as finishing the race.
We know that almost being happy isn’t the same as actually feeling happy.
This logic holds just as true in relationships:
Being with someone who almost listens is not the same as being with someone who genuinely tries to hear and understand you.
Being with someone who almost honors your boundaries is not the same as being with someone who truly respects your needs and autonomy.
Being with someone who almost shares your relationship goals is not the same as being with someone who envisions an aligned future with you and actively works toward it.
Being with someone who you almost love is not the same as being with someone you really love.
So why do we let ourselves stay in relationships that almost fit and pretend it’s the same as if they did?
Maybe it’s because we’re told that no relationship is perfect (which is true).
But that’s an invitation to accept imperfection and offer grace, not to stay in the wrong relationships.
This tendency to accept almost often comes from how badly we want someone to be our person (even when they are not) or how badly we want to avoid being alone. So we convince ourselves almost is enough.
Here’s your reminder, your gentle but clear invitation to reflect:
It takes strength to walk away from a relationship that almost fits and to wait for one that actually does. Walking away from almost is hard, but living with it is harder.
The compromise we make for almost often eats away at our fulfillment, our peace, our authenticity. I’ve seen it take people years (myself included) to finally say, this is not enough for me or this isn’t right for me. But the truth? Maybe it never was.
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I really like how you said "The compromise we make for almost often eats away at our fulfillment, our peace, our authenticity. " Yes! When we're in those types of relationships we end up almost wearing a mask because we are trying to make that "almost" fit us. Like a pair of shoes that's a little too tight. Sure, we could wear them for the day but over time it becomes more and more glaring that it isn't the right fit.
i just left my partner of almost 3 years, and just turned 30. no kids. i was terrified. but it was the most 'almost' relationship ive ever had, and it was eating away at my fulfillment, peace, and authenticity 100%. Thank you for making me feel seen today, and thank you for your podcast appearances & book that helped me find the courage and confidence to leave my relationship.