6 Thoughtful Ways to Handle Hurtful or Offensive Comments This Holiday Season

Ah, it’s Thanksgiving and the holiday season once again. Along with the cheer, food, and traditions, this time of year often comes with a side of tedious—if not outright painful—family dynamics. Cue the awkward dinners, overconfident relatives delivering political rants, and tipsy cousins offering unsolicited commentary on your weight, relationship status, or life choices.

At some point, it seems we collectively decided that holiday gatherings should involve shrugging off rude remarks, rolling our eyes, or crying in the bathroom after dessert. When did overdrinking to endure hurtful conversations—or flat-out disrespect—become a festive tradition?

So, what do you do when you’re on the receiving end of disrespect? Here are a few approaches, depending on the situation:

1. Tell Them Directly

If you think the person doesn’t realize how their words are affecting you (and it’s safe), let them know. Sometimes, despite what feels like common sense, people may not understand how their comments are landing. A direct approach like, “That comment was hurtful because…” can be enough to shift their awareness.

2. Ask Them to Repeat It

One of the simplest ways to defuse a rude comment is to calmly ask, “Can you repeat that?” If you’re feeling especially bold, ask them to repeat it twice. Most people become more self-conscious when they hear their own words in the spotlight, especially if others are listening. This tactic works wonders to disrupt the moment.

3. Name It and Set a Boundary

Address the comment directly (and how you understood it) and set a clear boundary:

• “That sounded judgmental and unkind.”

• “It sounds like you’re upset about my relationship status.”

Once named, follow up with a boundary: “I don’t appreciate comments like that. If you want to maintain a good relationship with me, I need you to stop.”

4. Ask a Question

Sometimes responding with a question can encourage reflection (or at least make them pause):

• “Why did you think it’s appropriate to say that?”

• “What outcome were you hoping for with that comment?”

This approach works best when delivered with genuine curiosity rather than sarcasm.

5. Use Silence as a Response

Sometimes, the most powerful response is no response at all. Let silence settle in, creating a moment of awkwardness. People who thrive on provoking reactions often feel deflated when they don’t get one. Pair this with a calm statement of your boundary, like: “I don’t engage in conversations that feel disrespectful.”

6. Reassess the Relationship

After the gathering, take a moment to reflect: Do I want to keep exposing myself to this behavior? Setting boundaries isn’t just about what happens in the moment—it’s also about deciding who gets access to your time and energy in the future.

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The holidays don’t have to mean accepting behavior that chips away at your peace. You have the power to respond, to protect yourself, and to choose how much of your presence you’re willing to give.

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